Damn metaphorical ants

The ants were fat this morning. Or maybe they were just blurry since I was making coffee and uncaffeinated.

Or maybe ants are a metaphor for those things that crawl in through the cracks of your foundation and manifest themselves in your kitchen. Which would be fine if they weren't on the counter.

Can a metaphor double as a real thing? I fu$%ing hate the ants, metaphoric and real.

My metaphoric ants are the projects that sneak up--the front porch, the garage, the garden--while I'm doing the stuff I dig--adventures with the girls, get-togethers and outings with peeps, time on the water, morning runs and trail runs, reading and writing.

On the one hand, life is short and you better be doing the stuff you dig. No other way to say it. On the other hand, no one likes (metaphoric) ants on the counter. It may be time to invest in some metaphorical Raid.

The Tree, tending to

 
I suck at sitting still. I can sit, but the still part, I've gotta work on. My mind is flighty, unmoored.

In this respect, being sick this past week, and not running, has given me something I had fallen out of touch with. I dusted off the mat and got back to yoga. Note to self: you get stiff quick if you don't put in some time.

And hitting a bit of the mental immersion back into practice, I read a bit of Patanjali's Yoga Sutra. I've always gleaned a lot from that honed style of writing, from The Bhagavad Gita, The Dhammapada, where you are reading fragments, distilled to the fewest words and simple cadence. In the introduction to the Yoga Sutra, Mark Whitwell talks about the "Sutra" style like this:

The style known as Sutra, that which has few words, yet is free from ambiguity, full of essence, universal in context and affirmative.

And with further study and practice, "the message takes on a deeper resonance and becomes more relevant, more revealing."

And that's sort of it. The cats who write like that, whether poetry, aphorism, sutra--few words, full of essence, universal in context, more relevant and revealing upon further reading--those are the folks I come back to.

Balance and patience don't come easy for me. But I also recognize how much trying to incorporate or practice each gives back to me. This time of year, cold but not enough snow to have fun in, too cold to dig being outside, I see photos of trails, of mountains, of singletrack through the woods, and I want to be there.

But, still being a new year, I also think about all the shit that I've left untended. That I've been meaning to get to, work on, read, what-have-you. One of those things for me is a book I'd forgotten about, John Fowles's The Tree, which kept getting bumped for something else, but is all those things I dig about reading and I settled into this morning. It could be one of those ass pocket of wonder books. We'll see.

Another one of those things is yoga. And as Patanjali says, "Yoga is the resolution of the agitations of the mind." I could use a little of that.

The other stuff? Well, I'm working on a list. I'll get back to you on that.

The Duality of Man

I've never met Lawrence Kasdan. Prior to yesterday, I'm not sure I could have placed his name right off. At the same time, I can rap with anyone who will throw something like this out there as fodder:

" Most movies are about this same issue -- Grand Canyon is about it. It's about how part of you wants to follow your desires, and the other part wants to do what's right and responsible. And one side is the dark side, and the other is the light side. Every one of us faces it every day. We live certain kinds of lives in the light of day, and at night all our fears come out. That's what most art is about."

Kasdan is a screenwriter. He's written a couple movies you might know: Empire Strikes Back, Raiders of the Lost Ark, The Big Chill, Return of the Jedi, The Bodyguard and Grand Canyon to name a handful. Funny, I remember watching Grand Canyon in a friend's room at N.C. State and immediately cruising back to my room with a permanent marker and scribbling a long quote from the movie on the ceiling. Kasdan writes tight, crisp, funny, insightful dialogue that makes his movies work.

But this morning I am more interested in the above quote, which he gave during an interview when asked about writing Empire Strikes Back. The question asked what Kasdan thought when George Lucas told him he wanted to make Darth Vader Luke's father. His answer was that it made perfect sense per the rest of the quote.

I know that struggle--following desires vs. doing what's right and responsible, living one way during the day and another at night--seems like almost daily. I like to get up early and write or run or do stuff that charges the ole soul, yet I also stay up til midnight or beyond far too often, doing nothing productive, watching Road House (not that there is anything wrong with Road House, mind you ;) or any other movie that I've seen before. I'll meditate or do yoga and be completely chill then suddenly feel the need to yell to get a point across or move the get-ready-for-school routine in the morning. I can feel a pull between what I want to do and know I should do for being the actualized self I know I want to be and saying fu-- it and rolling with the gluttonous gang to sate desires.

There have been major points during younger years where the Dark Side (if we're going to talk in semi-cliched Star Wars metaphors) has driven the train and the life trajectory hasn't gone anywhere good (please see St. James at the end, most of N.C. State for me). But rolling with the consequences of my actions then has also brought me to some of the brightest Light. If I hadn't had to roll out of Raleigh and wound up back on the Shore, I would have never been at the Blue Miracle show at the Avalon Theater where I met Robin.

And I am not one to drop high seriousness on any matter, fully subscribing to and living the notion that the fun, the zany, the childlike are prime movers as much as gravity. But when I read Kasdan's interview and come across a quote like that I recognize something of myself in it. It resonates and brings me back to a non-Kasdan written movie scene, from Full Metal Jacket, when Matthew Modine and company have cruised over to Vietnam and Modine, the Joker, the journalist, the Marine, the trained killer is sporting a peace symbol button while he has "Born to Kill written on his helmet. When pressed, it comes to this:

Colonel: "You write 'Born to Kill' on your helmet, and you wear a peace button. What's that supposed to be, some kind of sick joke?"
Joker: "No, sir."
Colonel: "Well what is it supposed to mean?"
Joker: "I don't know, sir."
Colonel: "You don't know very much do you?"
Joker: "No sir."
Colonel: "You better get your head and you ass wired together or I will take a giant shit on you."
Joker: "Yes sir."
Colonel: "Now answer my question, or you'll be standing tall before The Man."
Joker: "I think I was trying to suggest something about the duality of man sir."
Colonel: "The what?"
Joker: "The duality of man, the Jungian thing, sir."

That exchange has stuck with me after one watching and after multiple watching. "I think I was trying to suggest something about the duality of man." Yep, something like that.

A Little Balance

I've never been able to pull off "balance." Not in the holistic-life-schedule sense. I tend to overload, juggle, and then try to get into some semblance of a routine. I am not there at the moment (any real routine), but I am working on it.

For me, the pieces right now are running, longboarding, yoga, and writing. Those are the practices/disciplines I am trying to keep building my free time around. That all comes with the caveat that family and work are the bedrock of any schedule.

Introspection can come from any number of outside factors. It hits me regardless, faulty wiring no doubt, but this winter, a heaping dose has come from being sick. Various crud has made its presence known more in the past six months than probably any other time in my life and certainly my adult life. Fargin' kids ;) And this on the heels of a stretch in 2008 where I didn't miss a Rise Up Runner morning run for like eight months.

Part of that has felt like a lack of real morning schedule. It's been a winter of not having an upcoming race since the Rehoboth Marathon at the end of November. It's been focusing on cross training and picking up longboarding. It's been work, it's been lack of sleep, whatever.

It's feeling good to be hitting spring and looking forward to events on the calendar. Ultra Skate is in the books. You can read Landy's take on it on the new Rise Up Longboarders team blog. I ended up with 83 miles in about 10.5 hours of actual skating time. Landy, Charlie, and Zach each broke 100 miles, having spent the morning (in accordance with the plan that I had to bail on) skating on Kent Island.

The Trail Dawgs half-marathon is only a few weeks away. Then some real distance training, with a pack, for the Rachel Carson Trail Challenge in June. The warmer weather is motivating. The balance of running and longboarding is fun and inspiring. And the return to health is coming.

Sunday Training Partner

The Golden Low-rider, 7-year-old occasional training partner, Ivan is still the fastest runner I've hit the woods with. If I lose the leash, it is a scene straight out of Chevy Chase's film "Funny Farm."

I've never tried running with my nose to the trail. I can tell you though, it seems pretty fast when getting pulled down a hill by an overzealous canine training partner. Whenever I take our Golden Retriever Ivan for a trail run, I always try to pick up pointers.

I've had people tell me that I run downhill like a nut, which feels accurate at times, and during JFK and some other trail races, I tend to pass people quickly while descending. Some of this credit goes to Ivan, who drags me down hills, causing me to have to look, react, and step pretty well instantly. When I go back to running solo, or with a human counterpart, the hills roll by underfoot fairly naturally.

Mike Keene reported that he and Jim Crowley, running on Saturday, found sections of trail out at Tuckahoe State Park, still snow covered and untrod. By Sunday at noon, mountain bikers and the sun had negated that effect, but 40 degree temperatures made for some trickling water from the snow melt, on top of solid ground--conditions that make running a blast.

I ran into a hiker atop a hill on the Tuckahoe Valley Trail, that we usually crest at about 30 minutes into a run. We are usually walking forward, tipping water bottles, but with Ivan, I was planning to turn around at that point and double-back to another trail. The hiker was coming up a different side of the same hill, on a trail I had never noticed before. Go figure, after countless times there over the past three years.

Ivan and I dove down the new side, which cuts back around to the Tuckahoe Valley Trail, making for a wicked circular trail for hill repeats. I can foresee a grueling battle with that hill preparing for bigger hills in spring, summer, and fall races.

This time last year, Keene and I were two weeks out from the Holiday Lake 50K++, our first ultra marathon. We had a 20-mile run, followed by two 15-to-17-milers on back-to-back-to-back weeks. I have to say I miss the time on the trails, as well as the challenge of having something we hadn't done before ahead of us.

2008 is a different year for me. My longest run of the year has been 10.1 miles (Mike and Jim had a Garmin with them, that measured our normal run at 10.1 miles). My radar screen races this year look to be 20 miles and shorter, giving me more time to focus on the home front and weekend adventures with the A-Team (Anna and Ava). I hope to emulate Richard Louv and his book, Last Child in the Woods: Saving Our Children from Nature Deficit Disorder, on that front. Our girls will stay outside as long as we let them. I will likely log less miles, but find more acorns; at times trade the runner's high for the father's high of skipping shells at the Oxford Park (worth noting - I haven't been neglecting the young'ens to be running, we do these things anyway!--just more so this year).

Both running and fatherhood feed my soul, one with a mango juiciness, the other with a pan-fried catfish in creole sauce sustenance. I need both for my palette.

I think a couple unique trail running adventures may be shaping up for late summer and early fall. I will be elaborating more on each before long here.

In the meantime, Ivan and I enjoyed a solid hour run in the woods on Sunday. Saturday night and Sunday night, were friend and family birthday parties for Anna's 6th birthday, which is Thursday. Not a bad attempt at balance, at least for one weekend!